At first glance, the premise seems reasonable: You post a photo of the man you are dating, with his first name, and other women can say if they are dating him, or if they’ve recently seen or chatted with him on a dating app. It’s a simple way for women to find out if they are being lied to or cheated on. But that’s not the only thing these groups are used for. Far from it!

For example, other uses include accusations of domestic violence and/or rape (whether supported by screenshots of court records or entirely unproven); making unproven accusations that people have sexually transmitted infections; asking if recently separated spouses are using dating apps; posting screenshots of private text conversations; posting photos of men and soliciting “tea” (gossip) or “red flags”; sharing catfish accounts; and discussing dating culture in general.

I fully support women who want to gather and share credible information that will keep them safe from any form of violence and disease—but it is vital that this information is indeed credible. 

You may recall both the “Galloway Affair” and the “Shitty Media Men List”: two scandals that highlighted overreach in the #MeToo movement and provoked justifiable ire. The former involved women lying about sexual assault; the latter was a list of anonymous accusations of sexual misconduct. Both destroyed men’s careers and resulted in multiple defamation lawsuits.

So, for men and/or women (as there are men groups also) who are talked about in these groups there is no need to be upset, reach-out to the individual posting about you, or even try to extract revenge. Reason being, many of the posts that appear in these groups could open up posters and even group administrators, to legal action.

Furthermore, in 2023, individuals will go online and lash out without really thinking about what they’re saying. They’ll overexaggerate and sometimes they’ll leave out important information. Some may even think that by posting anonymous this will protect them from legal action; unfortunately for them, their identities can usually be revealed through a fairly simple court application to Facebook.

So, if you aware that you are being talked about in these groups do the following:

(1). Ensure that you get a copy of said posting (by having someone you know screenshot everything).

(2). DO NOT CONTACT and/or THREATEN INDIVIDUALS WHO POSTED ABOUT YOU!

(3). Organize all said posting under the name of the individual making said post.

(4). Lock down your social media profiles, and

(5). Work with an experienced internet defamation attorney and SUE THEM!!!

In the event, that said postings resulted in you being charged with crimes, upon conclusion of said criminal proceedings then address the above civil issue. Regardless of your financial situation, never allow anyone to spread falsehoods about you. SUE THEM!!!